Pardon My Language

ORIGINALLY POSTED TO TUMBLR - 8 MONTHS AGO

Looking back at pictures from when I lost weight senior year of high school and comparing them to the [very few] pictures I have of me now is fucking depressing. How the fuck did I let myself get here? What the fuck was I thinking? Seriously, I should have just taped my mouth shut. It’s disgusting. I thought I was FAT when I was 145 pounds, now, I would KILL to be 145. Ugh. Just ugh.

In the past, I would start WW, realize how long it was going to take and how hard it is to take it week by week and understand that even the smallest losses were still losses, and then i would quit. This time, I need to make it stick. Repeat after me: A loss is a loss. I will likely not lose weight every week. THIS IS OK. It’s a marathon, not a race. Most importantly: YOU CAN DO IT, YOU WILL DO IT.

I’m not sure what really brought that on…I really think it’s just the looking at the pictures from when I was thin and my continued frustration with myself for letting my body grow and grow and grow. I’ve been doing well with putting these thoughts behind me and focusing on the here and now and the future, but sometimes the little thoughts creep back into my head where I can’t see myself as anything but a complete failure in terms of taking care of my body.

I’m not going to use this as a place to sit and write down everything I ate today [I use my WW Points + Tracker for that] and I’m not going to re-blog pictures of skinny girls because I don’t find that inspiring. I don’t mind if you find that inspiring, it’s just not my thing. I’m never going to look like them - everyone’s body is different.

I just want to look like me…95 pounds thinner. Is that so much to ask?