Body Image

ORIGINALLY POSTED ON TUMBLR - 8 MONTHS AGO

Confession: I used to be thin. [See Pictures]

It’s funny, and remarkable, that I can say those words. Had you asked me what I thought about myself then, I would have told you about all my imperfections. I would have told you that my thighs were too big, my arms weren’t that small, my tummy wasn’t flat and my face would be prettier if it was thinner. Now, I look at those same pictures and Imarvel at how incredibly thin and beautiful I was. I regret not understanding or realizing my beauty at that time. I wish I could go back and tell myself that my thighs were shapely, my arms were perfect and my tummy was flat enough to wear [and look good in] a bikini. Why couldn’t I see these things when I was thin? Why did I only see a moose in the mirror?

Body dysmorphic disorder is defined by Wikipedia as a disorder that is “generally diagnosed in those who are extremely critical of their mirror image, physique or self-image, even though there may be no noticeable disfigurement or defect.” Now, I understand that BDD is a very serious disorder that I likely did not suffer from, but I can relate with those feelings of inadequacy and failure. I wasn’t tall and thin like my sister [even though there was a time during my weight loss journey that I was actually thinner than my model-gorgeous sister, I still saw myself as the fat sister]. I think that perhaps I have some version of this disorder inside of me. Sure, we can say that no woman ever feels comfortable in her skin, but I don’t think I completely buy that. I think that there are many women who are thin and gorgeous and know it, flaunt it and embrace it. I know it is all relative, but I am still amazed that when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see the girl that should have been confident and content with herself.

It’s hard for me to sit here and look back at those pictures because it is an unfriendly reminder of the skinny me that I wasted. The skinny me that I ate away. Now, I would do anything to be the skinny me I see in those photos and I can only hope that this will be the last time that I make the journey and reach the finish line.

Today at the beginning of my Weight Watchers meeting, a woman who works for corporate spoke to us about the possibility of working for WW. To be honest, when I first started my journey I wanted to lose the weight and become a WW receptionist. I wanted to be in that environment. After my first successful loss [for more information on my WLJ, see About Me] I kept telling myself that I should go in and find out about becoming a receptionist, but it never happened. I have to say that I think that my ultimate goal is to reach my goal weight and either become a receptionist or even a leader for WW. I feel that, if I can really do it this time, I want to pass the knowledge of my struggles and the insight of my success on to other people who are traveling down a road that I have paced for several years. So, to the WW lady that was at my meeting today, wherever you are, please let this serve as my promise that when I reach my goal weight, I will be sure to march my skinny tush to someone who will hire me as a WW receptionist or leader.

With that, I leave you with this:

“Be specific in what you want, and use specific words. Empower yourself, and become the person you dream about.”

If I Run...

ORIGINALLY POSTED TO TUMBLR - 8 MONTHS AGO

Will you run after me?

I used this title in my blog before I switched over to tumblr, but this song is just so powerful so I had to re-use the title. I posted the music video below for “If I Run” by the Harters. What and incredibly amazing song - the words and the message are just so amazing. I see this being used as a wedding song for many many people!

Anyway. Today I went to Best Buy and got my dad a Kindle for Father’s Day, along with a case for the Kindle. I am actually starting to think that I might want a Kindle for myself as well - but let’s see how my dad likes it before I decide I want one. I was concerned initially about the ability to share books - my family reads A LOT and we just trade books with one another when we finish. With the Kindle, the book needs to be “lendable” and then it can only be leant (lended? lent?) for 14 days. This is not ideal for my family. However, I thought that if I have a Kindle, my Dad has a Kindle, my Mom has a Kindle, and my sister has a Kindle, we can physically swap Kindles when we want to read a book that the other has. I know this is not the best idea, but I think it would work for us. Who knows, I guess we will find out once I decide if I even want one!

In other news, after Best Buy I went to Stop & Shop and got some sushi for dinner (I need to splurge and get some REAL sushi one of these days, not supermarket sushi, though the kind at Stop & Shop is pretty good) a pineapple, bananas and tomatoes. I came home and made the bruschetta from skinny taste to bring to my parents house tomorrow. It is seriously the best bruschetta I have EVER had. Nom nom nom.

Now I am waiting for Darryl to come home from work. I’ll probably head to bed early and then wake early for my week three weigh in tomorrow. Hopefully all goes well and I am down again. I will post my results tomorrow! Goodnight Moon.

Originally Posted to Tumblr - 8 Months Ago

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Food Survey

ORIGINALLY POSTED TO TUMBLR - 8 MONTHS AGO

I saw this survey on another bloggers page, and I need something to kill time at work, so I decided to play along and take the survey as well! Click the “Read More” link to see the whole survey! Enjoy..

ABCDEFood.

A: is for Apple, what’s your favorite variety?
My grandmother recently introduced me to the honeycrisp apple a few months ago and I fell in love. The perfect apple to pair with honey. mm.

B: is for Bread, regardless of nutrition, calories, or whole grains what is your favorite type to have a nice big piece of?
I’m not picky when it comes to bread, but I adore my banana bread.

C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently (just one!) Currently
Rice Krispies with fresh sliced banana

D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy?
Boston Creme, hands down.

E: is for Eggs, how would you like yours prepared?
Scrambled with a little cheese

F: is for Fat Free, what is your favorite fat free product?
Skim-Plus Milk. I prefer this to any other kind of milk, whether full fat or skim

G: is for Groceries, where do you purchase yours at?

Primarily Stop & Shop. I adore being able to scan my groceries as I go so that I know how much I am spending (makes it easier to stick to a budget) and makes the check out process amazingly simple.

H: is for Hot Beverages, what is your favorite hot drink? Cinnamon Dolce Latte. or plain coffee with latte flavored creamer.

I: is for Ice Cream, pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping.
All time favorite: Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food.

J: is for Jams or Jellies, do you eat them, and if so what kind and flavor?
I generally will only each Welch’s Grape Jelly. I haven’t delved very far into the world of jams and preserves. Perhaps one day I should give this a try.

K: is for Kashi, name your favorite Kashi product?
Confession: I have never had a Kashi product.

L: is for Lunch, what was yours today?
Salad with 1 hard boiled egg, 3 pieces of thinly sliced grilled chicken, cucumbers, red onion, and balsamic dressing

M: is for microwave, what is your favorite microwave meal/snack?

Popcorn

N: is for nutrients, do you likes carbs, fats, or proteins best?
Well, I guess I like the fats best since I’m trying to lose weight…I’m not entirely sure on this one

O: is for oil, what kind do you like to use?
Extra Virgin Olive

P: is for protein, how do you get yours?

Food”

Q: is for Quaker, how do you like your oats

Instant. Though I no longer like the Quaker brand since they “improved” their recipe, so I use the Stop&Shop store brand and it’s quite delicious prepared with skim milk and a little spray butter

R: is for roasting, what is your favorite thing to roast?
Chicken and vegetables

S: is for sandwich, what’s your favorite kind?
Any kind of deli sandwich. Us Jews like our deli food.

T: is for travel, how do you handle eating while traveling?
When I am on vacation I don’t pay as much attention to eating smart, which I should probably do. However, vacation should be a time to enjoy everything else and not have to worry about what food you are putting in your mouth.

U: is for unique, what is one of your weirdest food combos?
I don’t really think any of my food combos are that strange…I do make egg salad with green olives in it…which i guess is weird?

V: is for vitamins, what kind do you take?
Centrum Healthy Weight Multivitamins (when I remember)

W: is for wasabi, yay or nay?
YAY!

X: XRAY. if we xrayed your belly right now, what food would we see?

Some version of chomped up lettuce a la the lunch I just had (mentioned above)

Y: is for youth, what food reminds you of your childhood?

Macaroni & Cheese or Pot Roast or Spinach Lasagna.

Z: is for zucchini, how do you prepare it?

Depends, but my favorite way is to slice it in little rounds, saute it in a little olive oil and parmasean herb seasoning by McCormick. MMM

I Will Stand By You

ORIGINALLY POSTED TO TUMBLR - 8 Months Ago

I will help you through…

I am feeling better about my weight loss journey this time around. I feel like I am more in-control and more observant of what I need to be doing in order to slim down and stay that way. I’ve spent so much time feeling sad, mad, ugly etc., I’m just so ready for a change.

That’s not to say that this isn’t hard, because it is, but I am committed to doing it. I think that my dedication to checking into the WW Message Boards daily and seeing the progress and the ups and the downs of so many people in similar situations has been quite helpful this week. I hope that I can continue on a successful path and getting myself back to a place where I want to be.

I want to look good and feel good in my skin - I want to stop feeling like I need to hide myself and make myself as invisible as possible (which is hard to do when you are this big). I just want to be me and to live my life and to be happy…I will get there…I know I will.

I posted a video below of Rascal Flatts singing “I Won’t Let Go.” It’s an amazing song and has such beautiful words…it literally melted my heart when they performed it on the CMT Awards last night. I think it can apply to so many different situations, which makes it a truly special song. Enjoy!

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams...

Coming back to blogger...

Please stay tuned as I transfer my posts from tumblr over to blogger.

I originally started by blog here, on blogger, but moved everything over to tumblr back in June 2011. However, I've gotten a bit annoyed with the overabundance of 'thinspo' and crazy anorexic postings that I come across all the time on tumblr, and now prefer the simplicity and ease of blogger.

So, bear with me as I move my posts from tumblr over here to blogger and as I organize my page. I will then, hopefully, be inclined to post more often about the continuation (and hopefully finalization) of my weight loss journey during my last semester of law school!