One More Time

I can't believe I'm back here again. Back in this position. Back somewhere that I want to get away from and never return to. I've spent too many years saying "this is the year," and "this is the time." I've never actually held myself accountable and actually committed to this being the year or the time. I need this to be the beginning of the end. I need to set that goal, and I need to get there. For myself, for my sanity, for my health, for my life.

So, this Sunday, two days after my last final exam of my second year of law school, I will return to my Weight Watchers meeting and I will make a commitment to myself to spend time and energy on myself this summer. No more excuses. No more cheating. No more lying to myself. I've had enough. I am 24 years old - I should be having the happiest years of my life. I have a great boyfriend, an amazing puppy, and my life should be good. I'm not happy. I'm fat. I don't allow people to take pictures of me - I live in the past. I find pictures of myself from six years ago and pretend that I still look like that. I pretend that I am still that happy person with that happy life, but I'm not. I haven't been that person in a long time. I would love to be that person again.

I think that I need to stop looking so far into the future and I need to take small and slow steps. I need to set small goals instead of big ones and I need to work one day at a time. My overall goal for this summer is to lose 30 pounds, but I need to take it one day and one pound at a time. I think that if I stick to this, if I work out, if I eat right, if I avoid the temptations and remind myself that I need to do this for me, I think that I will be able to do it. I think that I can reach my first goal and then be ready for my second goal and I know that I will be a much happier person.

As of right now I don't have a plan for this blog. I always read how people say that blogging was a huge aspect of motivation and success in their weight loss journey. I don't know if I have that much to say about it. I don't know if I'm going to find some fantastic insight within my soul that I just must share with other people. I also don't imagine many people will even read this. So, for now, this will be for me and if I need to vent, yell, cry, or talk, this is where I'll do it.

Here's to hoping...